


You Are And Will Be My Only One

by Corantien



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, Jealousy, Light Dom/sub, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Praise Kink, Romance, Smut, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 05:21:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5815774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corantien/pseuds/Corantien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony did not yet have the time to take a good look at this Captain fellow. That is... Until they got on the plane.<br/>And that is where the emotional story begins of Tony Stark who - definitely - felt the pain of true love at first sight...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prelude

** Chapter One –Prelude **

Tony had heard a lot about Captain America. Not only from his father and from old newspapers, but he had also taken notice of the superhero with the help of numerous comics he had read as a child. He still has them, probably in an old dusty box in his attic together with more memories he never wanted to revisit. - Yes, he does own an attic in that playboy mansion of his. -

But when SHIELD called in and the 'lovely' Agent Phil - still uncomfortable knowing that Agent was not his first name - it was like a child's dream come true.

Who did not want to work together with famous soldiers? Work together with a war hero? Nay, work together with his _own_ personal preferred hero of all time? Hell yeah!

Tony had until then only seen pictures of the great Captain and thought he was quite handsome. His father had only spoken good of him, so he had to be a nice and smart guy to capture the interest of Mr. Howard Stark? Not? His own son didn't merit such a flattering description so Tony had to put some stock in the opinion of his father of a man finally worthy of his approval.

When Pepper and Agent Phil left the building, Tony read the files of all the other people in The Avengers Project until Jarvis told him the coffeemaker had run out of coffee beans. He could not deny that Captain America caught the most interest during his perusal of the huge pile of information and that. When Tony finally collapsed into his bed for a couple of hours rest, the face of this long-forgotten comic-hero lingered in his thoughts like it had done so many years ago.

The last thought Tony had was of a sense of responsibility to help the Captain. Even to impress him. He could not have his hero thinking he was less than his father was.

So when Tony finally did meet the soldier in the not so lucky circumstances - You know... battling someone who's claiming to conquer the world, _blabla_ , Loki, what's his name? - it was on the tunes of AC/DC that Anthony Stark came soaring through the sky to save the day and Captain America's neck.

"Mr. Stark," said a warm voice to his left.

"Captain." Came the respectful reply. Tony only saw a glimpse of the man, the rest of his body was covered in that ridiculously tight - but delicious - costume with stars and stripes.

 Because his attention was focused otherwise, by a mad blond semi-god with an enormous hammer - no pun intended - Tony did not yet have the time to take a good look at this _Captain fellow_. That is... Until they got on the plane.

And that is where the emotional story begins of Tony Stark who - _definitely_ \- felt the pain of true love at first sight...


	2. Thunderstruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You never think before you speak," she says. Well, she is right. What in God's name was coming out of his mouth this time? He honestly couldn't help himself.

**Chapter Two – Thunderstruck**

When they eventually got on the plane a couple of guards took over their burden Loki. Tony finally got the time to scan his surroundings and the people around him. The ship was modern, which didn't really impress him because he was used to modern stuff and in his mind, he was already drafting up some tweaks to the machinery that could prove to be invaluable in the future.

After a deep breath, he looked to his right and saw the widening of the Captain's eyes after noticing the inside of the newly crafted plane. Tony could see that the Cap was surprised, modern stuff nowadays is a lot more fancy than in the past.

Stark couldn't imagine how it would feel to be asleep for years and years and wake up to a world that never stood still. To see so much at once without knowing how science got there so quickly. An unknown agent took the two of them to some tiny shower cabins. Tony caught a glimpse of his promised lab on a screen connecting this plane to Headquarters and already let Jarvis take note to add more and better stuff.

"Here you go, Sirs. You've got your own shower. It's not big, but it'll have to do before we get to HQ. Colonel Fury expects you two within 30 minutes in the control room for debriefing. That's all." Said the agent and he took off. Tony glad to get out of his suit saluted mockingly to America's national hero and went into the furthest door to take a shower.

Before exiting his small cabin bathroom - really, it's the size of his tie closet back at his Malibu Manor - he looked into the mirror and thought everything looked good enough to make a good impression on the others and maybe even on the Captain.

Arrogant smirk firmly in place he stepped out only to collide with a solid object.

"Watch where you're going!" Tony shouted looking down to see if his clothes - excuse me and my expensive Mr. Porter suit -  were undamaged.

"My apologies, Mr. Stark." Said a now familiar gentle voice.

Tony's heart rate sped up when his eyes climbed the figure before him and he could swear his little reactor did a flip when he locked his dark brown eyes with the most beautiful honest baby blue eyes in front of him. Tony forgot to speak, to breathe and just kept staring.

"I'm sorry Sir, we haven't been properly introduced yet. My name is Stephen Rogers, better known as Captain America, but you may call me Steve. I'm delighted to finally meet the son of an old chap of mine. You look just like your father if I may say so."

And the Cap put out his hand so he could shake Tony's. Tony still didn't know what to do. Steve frowned and after a couple of seconds took his hand back, clearly insulted. But how could Tony ever react to this. His heart was still pumping furiously hard against his reactor and he had the good fortune of not forgetting to keep his mouth closed.

He blinked... Once... Twice... Cleared his throat, cleared it again and set his shoulders even straighter than before. Then Tony did what Tony did best in any awkward and uncomfortable situation for him. He was arrogant. "Ah, the Captain. Yes, I believe I heard some mention of you. Been awhile, yes? But no need to thank me when I saved your neck a good hour ago from Loki. It was my pleasure and I always pleasure. I shouldn't speak of such things, surely you're not ready to hear those things after, what was it, 70 years of sleep? Good god, you missed out on everything. Now if you please, get out of my way, some people have to debrief, you know." Said Tony sarcastically and then he proceeded down the hall leaving a very insulted and stunned Captain behind.

Tony walked slowly, not to forestall the debriefing, but to calm his heart and this fluttering feeling inside. He never knew the Captain would draw a response like this from him, but apparently, he could.

Tony took a very deep breath and said to himself: "Don't show them that you just got surprised. Any emotion is a weakness." And after a couple of seconds, Tony slipped back in his arrogant Stark-self. Pushing back the thought that he had just blabbed quite a few horrible things in one breath to his childhood hero out of nervousness. Mr. Stark was unflappable. Never flabbergasted and certainly not nervous in any case.

He entered the control room and debriefed shortly with Fury while he heard the Captain stepping quietly inside, waiting - in the back - on his turn to debrief. Tony could feel the eyes of the Captain boring into his back during his talking. Probably watching for one tiny mistake so he could point out the many faults in Tony's behavior.

However, Tony would not show any emotion nor any weakness and kept himself focused on Fury's eyes - something that's not too hard when you're wondering where his other eye went. After his debriefing, he watched from a dark corner the Captain talking to the Colonel, while his face remained impassive. Hoping to catch a certain clue on how to shape his character for the future interactions with the tall blond.

The others soon joined and everybody got talking and discussing Loki and other _yadda yadda_. Tony tuned them out, his mind back on the Mark IV and if he should call Pepper by now.

The other agents went away and Fury's connection on the screen started getting unclear.

"I'll talk to you later, I'll meet you at Headquarters. Seeing anything? Just get him here. We're long time." And Fury disconnected. Now only Natasha, the Cap, Loki and himself were in the control room, rather a giant cockpit, when the weather went even more bad. The Captain came standing next to Tony.

"I don't like it." Said the Cap.

Tony barely registered the words because of the fluttering that started all over again and even more pronounced this time.

Maybe because the Captain was leaning towards him. He didn't know. He noticed him saying something on automatic pilot about things being too easy because all his attention was focused on a dark point in the air before him. Anything to not look at that ridiculously pretty face again, because this feeling was starting to make him transcend the mere state of uncomfortable.

Tony didn't enjoy not understanding his reactions and Steve being so close to him didn't help him one iota further to analyze his confusing emotions.

"I don't remember it being so easy." Answered the Cap immediately. Tony couldn't help himself and insulted his fellow Avenger again. He could slap himself for switching on his automatic answers. Pepper hated it so much.

 _"You never think before you speak,"_ she says. Well, she is right. What in God's name was coming out of his mouth this time? He honestly couldn't help himself.

But when the meaning of the words he just spoke filtered though and noticed the angry exasperated look the Cap gave him, he felt something he didn't recognize at first. Guilt. Was it guilt? He wasn't sure. Before Tony could think more about this matter thunder and lightning interrupted his musings aggressively.

"What's the matter with you? Scared of a little lightning?" asked the Captain nodding towards Loki.

"I'm not overly fond of what follows." the weirdo mysteriously replied.

And then action began. The curtains were more ripped off and stomped upon as much as opened to this unbelievable play of the Gods.

Tony saw Loki being captured by Thor - he knew this because of the file he read - and followed him without thinking. Another thing he needed to work on according to Miss Potts.

Unconsciously though, Tony hoped the Captain would acknowledge how great his Iron Man was.

Ego much, Stark? Was the bitter thought before he caught the brunt of the first strike.

A shield passed between Thor and Tony. They followed it with their eyes to the person standing there being all high and tall - again with the uniform!

"Hey! That's enough!" Steve verbally thundered back at them.

Tony not only felt a fluttering in his belly at hearing the authoritative voice of the Captain but he also felt a different kind of fluttering. A stirring more to the south ...  Adrenaline did have the most inopportune times to make its presence known.

The shock made his attention lock without a doubt upon the man in white-blue and red. Tony caught himself staring like a zombie at brains and immediately tried disobeying his instinctive impulses to a dominant presence. He failed.

The Captain jumped graciously down and the first thing that came to mind was - I need to get closer to him. There was this kind of superglue he used for machine parts and he wondered how the human skin would react to it when...

"I don't know what you plan on doing here." the Cap interrupted his inner ramblings.

"I've come to put an end to Loki's schemes" growled Thor back.

Captain America answered with a steady voice: "Then prove it!"

Tony's knees went to jelly.

"Put that hammer down." Continued the Cap.

Alarm bells went off in Tony's head, fearing for the safety of the Cap without the kind of armor he himself wore.

"Eh, no! Bad call! He loves to..." before he could finish his sentence Thor thought now was a good _'hammer time'_.

Dazed Tony lifted his head after crashing into a tree - glad for the shock absorbers built into his suit because the human body could not have withstood a crash with the velocity of 84.3 MPH -  and heard shouting.

A loud _CLANG_ followed and the ground, the trees, everything around Tony's world started shaking for real this time. The power of the ensuing wind put pressure on the Iron Man suit and made Tony stick to the ground. He scrambled back up when the pushing feeling died away, saw the Cap unharmed and went searching for Thor.

They all looked at each other and Tony knew the situation was under control. Strange way to come to a truce, but - hey - whatever floats your boat.

Before the plane picked the four of them up - Loki meek as a lamb - Stark looked at the Captain and couldn't help but admire how much authority and diplomacy he displayed. And for a second Tony wished he could be like that, but no, he had to rush in and start fighting while Thor obviously stood on the same side. Only the Cap held his cool and had noticed the opportunity to turn the fight.

Tony felt ridiculous. But that feeling was fleeting and Stark kept his mind busy with scientific stuff so as not to think of these turbulent hours until they got on the main plane, heading towards Headquarters.


	3. Love At First Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist."

**Chapter 3 – Love At First Feel**

Tony felt as new after another short shower - this time not a toothpick-sized cabin - and changed into one of his other - if I may say so - super sexy expensive suits. He was just thinking about his weird lapse in the emotion department and concluded that he must be too tired and that's why he felt so strange and all fluttery. He could even get a burnout! From now on, Tony would take it easy.

Agent Phil came knocking on his door and together they went to the big control room this time of the Headquarters' ship. Something about the aircraft made his spidey senses tingle though it all faded into nothing when he immersed himself in a conversation with Agent Phil.

He really couldn't help but interfere in the ongoing discussion. And knew that he must've looked like he owned the place, but that's the way Tony does it. Other people start frowning when he opened his mouth. If that didn't happen then Stark should have an existential crisis... Or the others were just plain stupid.

When the Cap asked him something Tony froze up for a sec. Luckily the Green Guy answered in his place. Finally, someone who understood him. Tony couldn't keep himself in check - this should start to sound familiar by now - and tried to see a green glance by commenting on the Hulk. The conversation went on and suddenly the Captain proclaimed he understood the reference to monkeys. Tony couldn't believe it. And this is the man his father liked? Not smart at all! Tony felt disappointed and rolled his eyes at the childish behavior of the Cap. He wanted to get away and he did just that together with the Doctor. There was no reason to be flustered by a man too stupid to get a simple joke, Tony concluded harshly in the privacy of his own mind.

He started hacking the system of SHIELD while talking to the Doc. - See me multitasking? - Still trying to get a green glimpse he kept on poking Bruce. And again, the Cap was there. Was he being followed?

"Hey, are you nuts!" Tony went on ignoring him, something he's good in.

"Is anything a joke to you?" the blond continued.

"You need to focus on the problems, Mr. Stark?"

Tony started to feel angry. This kid was explaining him. _Him_ of all people? How _he_ should behave? He didn't like this guy. The Cap didn't even see the suspicious things going on at SHIELD. Doc did, he's approved. And how dare he insult my new Stark tower? Tony tried to rile Captain America up after that comment.

"And you're all about style, aren't you?" the Captain began.

Tony thought it was hysterical. This guy in that oh so sexy suit was trying to teach him a lesson? He said as much to him and the Cap went away. He commented on the soldier against Bruce but he only replied with a non-committingly shrug and then they focused on the search again. Important business.

After a couple of hours, everybody of the Avengers assembled in the lab. They had questions. What about these weapons?! Everyone started mixing in the discussion. The atmosphere escalated into hostile territory with the blink of an eye.

"I'm sure if he still made weapons, Stark would be an actee." The Cap started.

"Wow, wow, wow, hold on. How is this related to anything about me?" Tony defended himself.

"I'm sorry, isn't everything?"

DING DING, low blow Cap. But he's right, doesn't mean Tony has to take it. Everyone started getting talking louder and louder. Not knowing they were about to be attacked.

"Why shouldn't the guy let off a little steam?" suggested Tony and put his hand on the Cap's shoulder. The feeling of the warm body of the Cap seared through his body and Tony's eyes widened in surprise at the little shock he seemed to receive at the top of his fingers.

"You know damn well why, back off!" and the Cap pushed his hand off of him.

So he doesn't like to get touched, Tony thought, that's too bad... Wait? What?

"I'm starting to wonder if you hate me." It was more a statement than a question.

"Yeah, big man, in a suit of armor. Take that off and what are you?" Cap threatened. Tony braced himself and turned resolutely to his opponent. Trying not to falter on his words while staring into those sea deep eyes. Not knowing if he had any effect on the Cap he answered.

"Genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist." Hah, take that Captain America.

"I know guys who are more worth ten of you." Cap said and Tony gulped almost imperceptible. Those eyes looking at him so disapprovingly. The flutter was back, but there was a clenching feeling low in his throat now too.

"I have seen the footage. The only thing you fight for is yourself." Tony squared his jaw while keeping his stance steady and proud. Why did he feel like he wanted to say sorry or worse, start crying?!

"You're not the guy that makes the sacrifices play. Lay down the wire and let the other guy crawl over you."

Tony had to defend himself!

"I think I would just cut the wire." And pointed his chin slightly upwards.

The Cap snorted. "Always a way out. You now, you may not be a threat, but you got to stop pretending to be a hero."

Tony felt his mouth corners turn even deeper down. This... This hurt. Why?

"A hero, like you? You're a laboratory experiment, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle." Stark spat back and stepped closer to Captain America. He felt the tension increasing and it almost felt as if they were touching each other. Tony felt again a slight stirring in his pants while the other one tried the stare down the other.

Cap nodded and smirked, "Put on the suit, go a few rounds.."

Thor started laughing and the spell between the two of them broke. Tony felt his clammy forehead. What was going on with him? The Cap looked away fast and Tony closed his eyes feeling dizzy. His blood was boiling. Maybe his reactor had an error? He kept on breathing deeply.

And then all hell burst loose.


	4. Up To My Neck In You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain America had the cutest smile ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This chapter is not that good but I needed to go over the inner workings of Tony's mind during the Avengers movies before starting the real part.

**Chapter Four – Up To My Neck In You**

Everything hurt! It all went so fast! Tony was now saving his damaged Iron Man suit, his mind just kept going back to the fight and almost plane crash of yesterday. He remembered the explosion and he still was surprised. The Cap didn’t seem to like him but jumped towards him to shield Tony from the shards that flew everywhere. When the dust started to settle down, the Captain pulled Tony up while commanding in that delicious voice “Put on your suit!”. Tony couldn’t help but relish in the feeling of the Cap’s touch. “Yep!” Together they saved the broken engine and with the help of the others they reconquered the plane.

Agent Phil Coulson... Dead... Tony didn’t like death. But he knew this guy. Hell! Pepper even knew the guy that meant he was practically a friend. He wasn’t stupid. Fury’s manipulative streak in him was there again when he used Phil’s death to motivate them so they would work on the Avengers initiative. Let Captain America listen to that shit. “I’m out of here!” thought Tony to himself. And that’s why he was now working in his lab. Because this shit just got serious.

After hours, Tony took a walk. Of course, the Cap is there again.

“We are not soldiers!”

After everything, the Captain still wanted to comfort everyone. He really was a very good leader. Tony couldn’t help it. Agent Coulson’s death was his fault. And Loki was going to pay for it.

“Son of a bitch.” The Stark tower!

Tony wanted to laugh when Loki’s magical stick didn’t work on him. He does have a heart, Pepper knew, it’s just... Let us say, for the greater part it’s an arch reactor? Always a beating, the throwing out of a window is new. Tony couldn't help it but think while falling. He remembered the beating he received in Afghanistan in a short glance. Finally! There is his Iron Man suit.

“And there is one other man you pissed off, his name is Phil.” And Tony knew that Agent Phil would know that he’s not forgotten. “Oh, army...” If you thought hell broke loose on the plane. It’s nothing like now. Slim sluglike creatures planning on taking over the world. “Not on my watch.” Iron Man proceeded to shoot these monsters to pieces. Tony had to admit, when fighting is needed, the Avengers teamwork was up to par.

Until that fucking missile came, everything went well. What to do?

“I can close it, can anybody copy? I can shut the portal down!” Tony heard Natasha over the radio. Still contemplating what to do about the nuc coming their way. “Do it!” the Cap ordered.

“No, wait,” Tony said.

“Stark, these things are still coming!” the Cap said unbelievingly.

“I got a nuc coming in, it’s gonna blow in less than a minute. And I know just where to put it.” He said, there was only one way to save the city...

“Stark, you know that’s a one-way trip.” Declared the Captain solemnly.

To call Miss Potts JARVIS asked. In all of this, Tony had barely thought of Pepper. Yes, they were kinda together now. “Might as well,” Tony answered JARVIS. She would never forgive him if he didn’t call her just when he was about to die. Romantic stuff and all that jazz, you know. Before he pushed the missile upwards, he cast a glance down and saw Captain America. His stance defeated because he knew what was to come. Then Tony went up, up, up and everything went black...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WRAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!!!!

“What the hell! What happened?? Please tell me nobody kissed me!” and the first thing Tony saw was the concerned angelic face of the Cap, relief washing over it.

“We won,” Cap said. Tony started sprouting nonsense, his brains were probably scrambled. Captain America had the cutest smile ever.

The Avengers were heroes now.

“Good job, Tony.” And the Cap shook his hand.

They would go eat Shoarma now after Tony said it laughingly while still putting his mind pieces back in their respective places.

Tony drove in his Super Deluxe Edition car after the Cap on his motorbike. And he admired the back of the Captain.

It was a promise to come.


	5. Beating Around The Bush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony tried to suppress the feeling and after a while, it went away. The bitter taste of failure and self-hate remaining.

**Chapter Five – Beating Around The Bush**

Apparently Tony wasn’t interesting enough. The Cap was talking constantly with Thor, Clint, and Natasha. They were bringing him up-to-date with the modern world while Thor was explaining how everything worked in Asgard. Bruce started talking with a non-talkative Tony, but because Iron Man noticed he didn’t get any attention from the others, especially the Cap, he started sulking and withdrawing out of the conversation. The drinks kept coming and he doesn’t remember all of it, only Natasha telling him he was a jerk - hey like that’s new - and the other thing he remembered before he got too drunk was the Cap watching Tony disdainful behavior and turning away from him.

“9 o’clock in the morning, sir. It’s a lovely day and the reparations on the Stark tower have already started.” JARVIS said to Tony. How did he get here? Tony looked around. His bedroom was battle-untouched. “TONY!” Good god, did it never end? Pepper came inside and Tony just crawled deeper under the covers. “Are you alright? I saw everything on the news! You’re a hero Tony. This is good publicity.” She said. Tony couldn’t help but think, “Oh yeah, maybe I can try to kill myself every day. That would be good publicity.”

“When you’re up, showered and dressed, come to the office. We have to go to a press conference and...” Tony tuned her out. He really liked Pepper, she reminded him of his mother and together they were a well-oiled machine. It’s just... Maybe he loves her, but just as a sister. Tony was wide awake in that moment. “Where did that thought come from? In the two months they were together he had never doubted their relationship. Why start now?” he thought.

“Tony? Are you listening? You always do this! I’m sick of it. Get out of bed. We have to talk! And there is a lot of paperwork on your desk that you haven’t gone over yet. You know, the Ho Yinsen Project? Get your ass up!” Pepper barked. Right, the project! After Tony got back out of Afghanistan, he really did change and re-evaluate his life. He has money, the name to get more money, he’s smart and quite attractive. He has all the means to change the world. And he’s a business shark, can handle any press and has perfectionistic Pepper by his side. So after Tony declared he would shut down the weapon department of Stark Industries - to guarantee less fighting - he started building this Ho Yinsen Project. He promised not to throw his life away. Ho Yinsen’s sacrifice wouldn’t be for nothing.

The first thing Tony did after everything calmed down - you know, Afghanistan, betrayal of a co-worker, Grand Prix,... And now this business with Loki was over and he could now focus on this project - was fighting the corruption inside Stark Industries and he made sure his weaponry wasn’t sold for selfish means nor would it ever - _EVER_ \- arrive again in hands of the enemy. This succeeded after a month of hard working and negotiations while saving the world again. If there is one thing Tony is, it’s a workaholic.

After this, he made an evaluation of all of his workers and the possible flaws in his firm. It took two weeks to get this right. Then Tony let JARVIS make a scan of all world problems. Starting in the direct surroundings of Stark himself. He wanted to change the world. Because Ho Yinsen had a family, Tony started helping orphans in New York and schools. So he started funding those. He donated once and it got in the media. Tony didn’t know why, but it bothered him because everyone thought he did it just for - how did Pepper say it again - good publicity? From now on he donated anonymously and his project started rolling.

It was time for another big step in his project. Health insurances for those who needed it and the homeless people. When Pepper had her say, Tony was alone in the office and went on with his project. He liked to finish whatever he started. After cracking the code of the government - they won’t be surprised when they notice who did it - he delved into the records of all the people on the list for a loan to get health insurance. Tony read a couple of motivations. There was this guy with his son. His wife died ironically in Afghanistan and now his son got ill. They didn’t have the money to get a good treatment so he asked for a loan but got denied. Tony may be a hard man, but that’s on the outside. He had his episodes of crying, but if there is one thing Tony learned, it was to hide his emotions well. When he was sad and wanted to cry, nobody knew. Alright - JARVIS knew - but he wouldn’t tell anyone. Stark always felt lonely. He had friends. Pepper and James and the Avengers, he assumed. Or maybe not... After last night... It wouldn’t do well to dwell on him having or his not-having of friends. He’s used to being alone. Iron Man is a one man show.

“JARVIS, show me the top ten people who really need the funds for a health insurance,” Tony asked.

“Here you go sir, it’s uploading on your computer,” JARVIS answered politely. Tony mumbled to himself. Ten people, who really need it, together, let’s say, 400 grant? “JARVIS, keep adding people on this list who really need it, stop when you’re at approximately 8 million dollars, if you please.”

“Of course, Sir, information is updating, another 60 seconds now.”

Tony watched the screen and tried to remember all the names he saw passing before his eyes. Pepper came in. “Aaah, Pepper, just the person I need. Can you make up another contract to ensure the money goes where it is supposed to be going? And that I remain anonymous?” Stark asked without taking his eyes off the screen. “Yes.” She sounded angry. “Tony.” Tony turned and looked at Pepper, her eyes were red-rimmed. “Hmm, what’s wrong?” Tony started and went to her to put his arms around her slender frame. He opened his mouth to make a witty remark but Pepper put her hand up to silence him.

“Do you know you missed 3 appointments already?”

“I did? I was just busy, I’m sure the persons I was supposed to meet will reschedule the appointment.”

“Tony. One of those appointments was our 2 month anniversary.”

“Really, will we celebrate every month? “ Tony laughed. Oops, wrong thing to say. Pepper's eyes were blazing. “ANTHONY STARK! I’M SICK OF THIS’”

“We’re together for two months, you barely kiss me, we haven’t had sex yet and you seem to care less about me than before we got together. I am used to the way you handle people who work for you. But I’m your girlfriend. And I had enough of it.” She put up her chin defiantly while trying to suppress her tears. “It hurts because I love you, but we’re not meant to be. It’s better if we return to how it was. Deep inside you know this.”

“So you’re breaking up with me,” Tony stated. Inside he was screaming. He only had one night stands, Pepper was the first person he tried to have a relationship with and obviously he fucked up. He didn’t sleep with her because he thought if you really respect someone you’ll have patience and you don’t jump into bed immediately. Apparently, Tony was wrong. She was right. It would be better if they were to return to how it was in the past. But it still hurt. Tony always fails at relationships and his arch reactor glowed even brighter like it felt that he was getting more emotional. Tony tried to suppress the feeling and after a while, it went away. The bitter taste of failure and self-hate remaining.

“Alright.” He said and turned to his work again. Pepper put her hand on his shoulder and then silently walked away. Tony heard the elevator doors opening and closing. And she was gone. Tomorrow everything was going to be as it was before. They would rebuild the Stark Tower and behave as best friends. Flirting and touching like they have always done. But no kissing, no relationship. Tony slammed his fist down on the table. His papers scattered to the floor.

“JARVIS, close this room off from everyone until tomorrow morning 8 o’clock.”

“Yes, Sir. Shall you be needing anything else?”

“No, thank you. Just leave me alone.” Tony answered. Still keeping him strong. He heard his quarters going into shutdown. He was now untraceable. Nobody could look inside. The windows were blinded and in the dark, with the light of his arch reactor that started to shine very brightly, Tony opened a drawer in his desk, took out the bottle of scotch and poured himself a glass.

“To you, Tony. A fucking lonely loser that nobody wants to be with.” And he drank his glass down in one go. Then he continued to drink himself into oblivion while silent tears rolled over his cheeks and his arch reactor kept on glowing even harder through his shirt.


	6. Shake Your Foundations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark felt something for the first time. The unmistakeable feeling of the most painful emotion on earth. He was in love. With Captain America. How the Hell did this happen?

**Chapter Six – Shake Your Foundations**

Like predicted the days went on with Pepper as they used to go before any of this relationship mess. Of course, there were some uncomfortable glances, but eventually, those died after a couple of weeks. They worked and worked and went to meetings and so on... The Avengers haven’t been needed in that time so Tony didn’t see one of them for a long time. He focused himself on work and his pet project. He went out, but never took someone with him home. Tony was tired of pretending and being a 'national sex symbol'. He sometimes wondered if there were any girls who wanted to have sex with him just for him. Not for the money or the fame.

“No sir, I scanned the intentions of your lady friends and only Miss Potts ever had noble intentions. But you didn’t have intercourse, so Miss Potts does not count, Sir.”

“Thank you, JARVIS,” Tony bitterly replied. He had probably asked that question out loud and now he felt even worse knowing no-one wanted to be with him, the real him and Pepper didn’t want him either. The only good thing about depression was the amount of alcohol Tony could drink now for a reason. When he wasn’t working, he was drunk. It happened at such a moment that an Agent of the Avengers called in while Tony smelled like alcohol. When he got into Headquarters, the others looked angry that he dared to come here while inebriated. Tony shrugged to himself.

“Alright everyone, attention on the map. There is a bank robbery in Washington with almost a hundred hostages. The Avengers will save them. Now if you look here, this is the plan of the building, we, Natasha, Clint and me, go inside here and...” the Cap started.

Tony sobered up. Where did the Captain come from?? He was wearing an old-fashioned brown leather pilot jacket and sunglasses protruded from his chest pocket. Tony’s mouth watered. He started with the big feet, shapely legs, narrow waist, strong and tall proud position, broad shoulders and when he looked up he saw that the Cap was looking straight into his eyes. Tony froze and his reactor started glowing more. Not much, you wouldn’t notice it immediately, but Tony felt it. It was this flutter that accompanied it, Tony finally understood his physical reactions. Except... His raging hard-on. He hadn’t had a real erection in weeks and now by watching those blue eyes he was excited beyond belief. His pupils dilated and his breathing went heavy. Tony still registered the words and thought “He’s so beautiful and good...” You could almost imagine the drool dripping from his face. Until Tony snapped out of it.

GOOD GOD, what was going on with him. His palms were sweaty and his heart was beating even faster than normal. His arch reactor glow only got brighter - quite embarrassing - attracting the attention of Natasha. “Are you alright Tony?” she asked. Tony looked at her with big eyes, he clutched his reactor in his right hand. By now everyone was watching him and the group went silent. Tony started panicking, he jumped up, careful to not show off his boner to everyone. He stammered some sort of apology and ran out still holding his hand over his reactor. “Tony...” he heard, but he didn’t stop, he just kept on running. Tears started coursing down his cheeks and he wasn’t even in the safety of his rooms yet.

Finally! He went into his room, shut the door, went into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He was pale, his forehead was clammy, and his eyes were big, filled with tears and staring unbelievingly at himself.

“No” he whispered brokenly “No, please God, no...” Tony whimpered, his choked sobs changed into soft simpers. All the while clutching the sink and watching himself in the mirror.

Tony Stark felt something for the first time. The unmistakeable feeling of the most painful emotion on earth. He was in love. With Captain America. How the Hell did this happen?


	7. Hard As A Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had to try.

**Chapter Seven – Hard As A Rock**

Tony’s breath hitched. He started stroking his chest, pinched a nipple and his hand slowly felt its way down. After Tony got out of his room he mumbled something about his reactor having a little error, nothing to worry about. The others frowned but the attention immediately went back to the Cap. After explaining the rest of the situation they went out to save those hostages. It was a short operation.

Captain America’s muscles rolling under that tight suit. Tony started to like it after all. The Cap throwing his shield and retrieving it, all the while without breaking out into one drop of sweat. Tony’s body felt warm and slick, he’s been teasing himself for half an hour now.

And then the Captain's laughter when everything was over. When he turned to Tony and smiled broadly happy to save the day again without any victims.

The twinkling in his blue eyes. His boyish grin. His kind voice.

Imagining him, kissing him, saying in that gentle voice: “Mr. Stark”

Tony touched himself down there for the first time in weeks.

After one, two strokes, his belly started tightening. His spine rigid and then he was coming.

“STEVE!”

Come shot over his belly and the feeling of pleasure was greater than ever before. Teardrops leaked into the cushions.

His eyes slowly opening, he was at peace with his feelings. He had to try.

Had to be a better person to maybe deserve the Captain’s, Steve’s, attention.

Sleep followed quickly after, his hand resting on his reactor and a little smile touching his lips.

He. Was. Iron Man.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He could die a happy man right there and then.

**Chapter Eight – Hell Ain’t A Bad Place To Be**

Tony had to try. Mission: Wooing Captain America. Shouldn’t be that hard, should it? He’s Tony Stark, you know...

The Ho Yinsen Project was progressing well - slowly - but well and that was the most important thing. Progress! Pepper did most of the Stark Industries business and the Avengers missions were getting busier. No problem there.

Tony just came back from a solo mission. Lasering an oil pipe hole under water and the job was done in a couple of minutes. He walked into the HQ kitchen and saw Natasha preparing the food.

“Can I help?” Tony offered. Natasha's eyebrow shot up.

“Tony Stark? Helping? You probably never placed a toe in a kitchen.” She snorted derisively.

“I have, what can I do.” Tony ignored the biting remark.

“You can lay the table, the plates are over there.” And she pointed with a knife in the direction of one of the cupboards. Tony took out eight plates and walked in the direction of the table when a door went open.

“I locked myself out of my room, I need someone’s card to get in. I hate technology.” Said a voice. _His_ voice. Tony looked up and saw a wet and delicious Captain America, dripping on the floor, holding a towel around his hips to cover his nakedness. A pretty blush spreading down his chest.

The plates dropped to the ground and Tony had to refrain himself from sagging on the floor because his knees got all weak. Captain America barely spared Tony’s clumsiness a glance.

“Tony! Look what you did! All those plates. Put the pieces in this bag and clean it up. I don’t want any porcelain in my feet.” And Natasha handed him a big paper bag. She turned towards Steve and held out her card. “Here, take my card. Bring it back.”

Captain America looked once more at Tony before going outside. Tony sat on his knees. His hands were shaking and he felt himself blushing. BLUSHING! Starks don’t blush! But he did. He felt so ashamed.

 _“What must he think of me...”_ Tony thought. Not only an inferior human being but also a clumsy one. He just wanted to help and show that he could be good and he ruined it again. He threw the shard pieces together and continued laying the table. During the whole meal, he didn’t say a word and kept his eyes focused on his plate. Hanging on every word of the Cap. Nobody bothering to ask why he was so silent.

 

* * *

 

The Cap was sitting on the sofa reading comics of other heroes. Superman, Spiderman... Tony watched him under his eyelashes. Already making a plan. The next day - when the Cap sat reading on the same spot - Tony cleared his throat.

“Reading comic books?” he started.

The Cap looked up “Yes, I am. I happen to enjoy these comics.”

Tony frowned at the sudden defensiveness but shook it off and reached down in his bag.

“I didn’t say anything. I just wanted to point out that there are better things to read and you should...” but before Tony could finish the Captain interrupted.

“Oh do tell, what does the almighty Tony Stark likes to read. I’m sorry to insult your intelligence by reading mere comic books. I shall leave you to your own, just like you like it.” And the Captain left.

“...Try these out.” Tony finished his sentence whispering. He looked down at the Batman collection he bought. A vintage set. “Everybody thinks I’m only a bastard. What good am I...” He put the comics on the table and left HQ with defeat written all over his body.

 

* * *

 

“I really like this!” the Cap exclaimed and he dug in his Asian food. It was the first time he ate something like that and he already expressed his gratitude twice to Bruce who thought he could treat everyone on Chinese food for once. The Captain was extremely happy with his fortune cookie, it said: “You will change the world one day. Wacht out for things from above.” And he thought it was fantastic. Tony pushed his cookie at the Cap, without looking at him.

“Here take mine, I don’t really like them as much as you do.” The Cap looked at Tony and Tony felt his stare. Then the cookie was snatched away and he heard a crunching noise. All that registered but it was of minor importance because Steve had touched Tony’s hand when taking the cookie. It tingled and there went his arch reactor light. But this time, Tony could control it more. And he relished in the feeling of his skin on fire.

“Thanks, Tony,” said the Captain. He could die a happy man right there and then. Tony watched the Captain and the others the whole evening. Still not believing he might have a chance.

 

* * *

 

“Where is everybody?” Tony asked Fury. “At the gym. When there hasn’t been a mission for a couple of days, it’s better to stay in shape, so they went there.” Fury answered absentmindedly. Tony nodded and went to the gym. Thor was doing push-ups “Four hundred and two, four hundred and...”

Natasha was flexing her muscles by doing complicated movements on a balancing board. Bruce wasn’t here - probably in the lab - and Clint was cleaning his nails with one of his arrows. Tony turned to Captain America. Lifting weights. His perfect abs moving while he pushed it slowly up and down, up and down... Tony’s reactor was like a UV-beam and unconsciously he moved closer.

“Want to try?” the Cap asked. Tony nodded and laid down. The Cap held the weights above him and Tony took them.

“I’m going to let go and you keep them up, alright?” Again Tony nodded because that was all he could do. He wasn’t a small man - he had muscles! - Tony was built lean and a bit muscular. No fat at all and sometimes went to his own gym so a couple of weights shouldn’t be a problem, right? Captain let go and for a millisecond, Tony held the weights. Then it came crashing down on him. His wrists crushed between his chest and the weights. All the air knocked out of him at once. And an embarrassing “OOOMphf” noise left his mouth.

He heard laughing - probably Thor and Clint - and Natasha came hanging over him.

“Too much to handle Tony? Shouldn’t take so much food on your plate.” Tony started to see stars or were those Steve’s eyes. The Captain took the weights off of him with one hand. Tony felt humiliated, stood up, looked around and saw even the Cap trying to keep his laughter down. Tony stomped out.

“Hey, Tony, it was just a joke, are you alright?” he heard him asking. But Tony ignored him. Pride hurt he went down to the lab. Bruce was the only one who didn’t make fun of him.

 

* * *

 

Unknowingly to Tony, Bruce left the lab after a couple of hours working together and went upstairs. The others were lounging in the living room, surprised at seeing the Doc coming up for some air.

“Hey, guys,” Bruce said soft and friendly but with a questioning glance at the others. The rest of the assembled Avengers nodded and answered.

“Haven’t you noticed something different about Tony yet?” Bruce asked.

“No, why?” Clint asked.

“It’s just, he’s more friendly and doesn’t insult me anymore. He doesn’t even try to get the Other Guy out of me. And he’s been working all day in the lab with me, in silence. He doesn’t even look at me.”

The Cap sat up straight at full attention. Then Clint said: “No, I haven’t. Maybe it’s just his pride that’s still hurt from this morning.” He snickered. Thor agreed.

“Hmm, I haven’t noticed it yet, but yes, Bruce, you’re right. Somethings going on with Tony. He helps me in the kitchen and always talks politely to me. He addressed me as Miss Romanov and doesn’t make a pass at me anymore.” Natasha contemplated.

“He flirts with you?” Clint started jealously. Natasha calmed him down with a stare.

“Not anymore. We should keep an eye out for him, maybe he’s ill or working for someone else. Should we tell this to Fury?” Natasha asked.

“No, not to Fury, only if we can’t figure it out we’ll ask him. In the meantime, everybody keeps an eye out.” Cap said. Their thoughts towards the mind-controlling staff of Loki and the resulting chaos because of that.

“Aye,” Thor replied.

“He probably discovered he has nobody who likes him. No friends and only himself to pleasure.” Said Clint purposeful quoting Tony on the pleasure bit.

Tony who just got upstairs heard this last sentence and shuffled back into the dark. Turned around and went outside. To Stark Tower.

 

* * *

 

It’s been a week since anyone saw Tony. He claimed to be busy and he was. Every day he worked on his Ho Yinsen Project. This time, he was busy at devising a system to give whole cities a sustainable energy source that works a whole year. Just like his Tower. It would be very good for the environment and it took his thoughts away from...

“Miss Potts, Sir.”

“Send her in.” Tony sighed.

“Tony, can you sign these papers? And the ambassador called again, you should... Bla Bla... And then... Haven’t you read the memo... I’ll just make sure these...” after a while Pepper stopped her monologue. “Tony? What’s wrong? You haven’t said anything to me in days, you just nod and for once you do all that I ask. What is it?” Pepper started to sound desperate for any reaction from Tony.

“Pepper? Do you like me?” Tony asked.

Pepper laughed “Of course I like you, you pay me for it.” She joked. Not what Tony wanted to hear.

“Right...” he said.

“Tony, it was a joke. Of course, I like you. What’s wrong? You’re never this... This vulnerable?”

“Nothing Pepper, just me being a fool. A bastard. A loser. Nothing new.”

It was silent for a moment. “Tony..” But he interrupted her before she could really see something was off.

“Let’s get started shall we, so here a signature? And here?” Pepper acknowledged Tony’s forced distraction because he obviously wasn't ready to talk about it.

 

* * *

 

“Hello Phil, I got another signed card for you. I’ll just put it with the rest of your collection. I know we never were friends, but you liked me, didn’t you? Never mind. I’ll just go and come see you next week as usual.”

Tony wiped a couple of leaves from the marble, then straightened up and left.

It started raining.

 


	9. Shot Down In Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You think yourself so irresistible that I should swoon at the sight of you! Well, pardon me! But you’re not!"

**Chapter Nine – Shot Down In Flames**

Days passed and Fury called Tony. They had a group debriefing. Not something special, just evaluating the last months as a team. They sat in a circle and Tony didn’t look at anyone. Only responded when required. While the others were talking he was pep talking himself.

_“You have to show your intentions. Only then he will notice. Just be yourself. Right.”_

He could do this. When the meeting was over he walked to his own room, looked in the mirror. Tony was so nervous. He showered - again - and put on fresh clothes. You never know if that super soldier could smell sweat and Tony wanted to make a good impression. As luck would have it - they crossed each other down the hall - with nobody around them.

“Hey, gorgeous.” Tony confidently flirted. Suddenly two big hands grabbed him by the collar and lifted him up. Close to two beautiful diamond blue eyes.

“What are you up to?” the Cap asked angrily.

“Well, I saw you and thought to give you the experience of a lifetime by..” The Cap shook him to silence.

“You think it’s funny? My inexperience? Unlike you, I wait for something right.”

“No, Captain, just hear me out, I...” Tony started panicking, he didn’t mean to insult Steve, how could he tell what he meant.

“I’m waiting.”

“I just, I... Steve...” Tony whispered softly, longing in his voice and he kissed the Captain.

Afterwards, Tony would describe the kiss as rainbows, lemonade and chocolate for everyone. Until he got thrown into the wall.

“What are you thinking?!” yelled an angry Captain, wiping his mouth furiously. Tony slid down the wall, he couldn’t move. Everything hurt, tears sprang to his eyes.

“You really think it’s funny? Do you?” the Cap yelled.

“No, Steve, I...”

"You mess with everyone! You are not everything Stark! You’re a selfish ugly pathetic bastard and you think yourself so irresistible that I should swoon at the sight of you! Well, pardon me! But you’re not! Just leave me alone! I don’t know what sick games you’re playing, but I know someone will get hurt! Just go away and stay away from me! Understood?!”

“Yes, Sir...” whispered a heartbroken Tony. Not even looking up. He felt like mud - worse - he was dog shit. Dog shit on the shoe of a criminal who just ran through a sewer and barfed all over it.

He heard the Captain storming away and had he looked up he would see that the Captain was as insecure as him and not unresponsive to Tony’s advances.

Tony was all alone in the hallway. He tried to get up. With a lot of energy he succeeded. Leaning against the wall. His ribs, right shoulder, back and head hurt.

He was lucky not to have punctured his lungs. His back was one big abrasion and around his neck and on his collarbones there were blue imprints. Slowly he shuffled to an emergency exit on their floor. Once outside he called Pepper and then he went to sit on a stone bench in a park, waiting for the copper.

 

* * *

 

“Alright, Mr. Stark. You have to stay in these bandages for three months. Your seven broken ribs have to heal, as does your shoulder and upper arm. The bruises will fade after some time, just don’t forget to smear this paste on them when you change your bandages. We should put you in a plaster body, but because you don’t want it, the bandages will have to do. Don’t move your upper body too much and the first two weeks no moving from your bed. Painkillers are in your bag.” Said the friendly sexy blonde nurse.

Tony didn’t notice nor acknowledge the woman. He just took Pepper’s arm for support and left the hospital as a broken man.

“Are you okay Tony? Now please tell me what really happened? I don’t believe you fell from the stairs while drunk.”

“I did, okay. Just let it be.” Pepper tried to make eye contact with Tony, but gone were the confidence and trust in his eyes. All she saw was a tiny little boy that got hurt. Her mother instinct kicked in and when they got home she helped him in his bed. “If there is anything - _anything_ at all - call me Tony,” Pepper implored him.

“Yes, fine, thank you.” Said Tony and he turned on his non-hurting left side. Away from Pepper’s gaze.

 “Just leave me alone, please.” It was the please that did it. Pepper was going to find out who killed the spirit in this man because she couldn’t bear to see the used to be strong Tony Stark like this.

First stop: The Avengers HQ


	10. Girls Got Rhythm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers would know it when Pepper Potts was done with them.

**Chapter Ten – Girls Got Rhythm**

With Tony permanently in his bedroom, Pepper had to do all the work alone. She wanted to go to The Avengers HQ but didn’t have the time. Unless she stopped eating and sleeping, she wouldn’t get there in weeks. Tony slowly improved after two weeks. Physical wise. He still didn’t talk a lot, never looked up and he was never his usual witty self. Pepper was extremely worried. So she asked the help of JARVIS to find more out about Tony.

“JARVIS?”

“Yes, Miss Potts?”

“I have the authorisation to use any aspect you have, don’t I?”

“Since Mr. Stark made you CEO, you have Miss Potts.”

“So... If I asked you to spy on Tony for me, only for his wellbeing of course, would you do this?”

“Yes, Miss Potts.”

“Wow, that was easy. Just like that?”

“Mr. Stark programmed me to think outside the borders, including ethics.”

Pepper smirked, typically Tony.

“Alright JARVIS. I want to know when you started noticing differences in Mr. Stark, what he talks about, if he displays any unusual behaviour and other things that could be negative. Just go through every psychological system you have and find what’s wrong with Tony, please.”

“Shall I print it down Miss Potts, or just show you what’s wrong?” JARVIS asked.

“That was quick. Alright, show me, what’s wrong with him?”

“I believe Mr. Stark displays since working with the Avengers the following: high emotions e.g. crying, insecurity and self-hate. He shows clearly depression signs and he also thinks to deserve bad things. An obvious sign, self-punishment. His sexual life has never been so low, let us say non-existent and Mr. Stark has the bad habit of talking to himself and saying mean things about himself. Such as you’re a selfish ugly pathetic bastard and you disgust me. While staring in a mirror.”

“Good god, why does he think that? It’s not because I broke up with him?”

JARVIS showed her a fragment from the safety camera that showed Tony.

> _"JARVIS, close this room of from everyone until tomorrow morning 8 o'clock."_
> 
> _"Yes, Sir. Shall you be needing anything else?"_
> 
> _"No, thank you. Just leave me alone." Tony answered. Still keeping him strong. He heard his quarters going into shutdown. He was now untraceable. Nobody could look inside. The windows were blinded and in the dark, with the light of his arch reactor that started to shine very brightly, Tony opened a drawer in his desk, took out the bottle of Vodka and poured himself a glass. "To you, Tony. A fucking lonely loser that nobody wants to be with." And he drank his glass down in one down. Then he continued to drink himself into oblivion while silent tears rolled over his cheeks and his arch reactor kept on glowing even harder through his shirt._

“Was that because of me?” Pepper asked feeling extremely guilty.

“Partial, Miss Potts, I believe Mr. Stark only felt your rejection of him enhances his chances with the person he’s in love with. That’s why he’s struggling so much. That person rejected him too.”

“Who is this person JARVIS?” Pepper asked curiously.

“I do not know, Mr. Stark never said a name. But I have my suspicions, Miss Potts.”

“Why? How? Who?” Pepper wanted, had to know who hurt Tony Stark that badly.

“Mr. Stark, I’m not comfortable giving this information away, said a name while masturbating. I believe it was ‘Steve’...” JARVIS went quiet.

“Steve? Who’s Steve? Do we know any Steve’s?” Pepper asked.

“Pardon me, Miss Potts, I feel like I’ve giving already too much away about the private life of my creator.”

“Tell me JARVIS, I need to know! As Stark Industries CEO I command you to tell me who Steve is.”

“He’s an Avenger, Miss Potts. I must go now, Mr. Stark needs me.”

“Steve? Goddamnit! I’m going to rip that Steve to pieces!”

Pepper Potts cancelled for the first time in her life all appointments for tomorrow.

"JARVIS, close this room of from everyone until tomorrow morning 8 o'clock."

"Yes, Sir. Shall you be needing anything else?"

 

* * *

 

Tony groaned, he had a hangover. Slowly he stood up. The nurse would come at 7 PM, it was now 5 PM. Time to shower. He made his way to his bathroom and after puking his guts out in the toilet he looked in the big mirror. He saw a skeleton. Tony almost stopped eating after... Tears sprang to his bloodshot eyes.

He made lists, lots of lists. With ways to get better, to show him how sorry he was. He burned all of them because he just wasn’t worthy of... He looked tired and filthy. He looked like a person coming right out of Auschwitz. He closed his eyes and pinched his nose. Tony couldn’t bear to look at himself any longer. He had to try harder. So he started making lists again.

  1. No drinking, that means: NO ALCOHOL
  2. Be polite, respectful and friendly
  3. Be helpful, volunteer for things, donate, go on with project Ho Yinsen
  4. Stay away from CA/SR
  5. Take care of myself so I won’t disgust anyone else
  6. No late night partying
  7. Give Pepper a raise, because she can tolerate me, and maybe a Ferrari too
  8. Never ever be arrogant, try modest
  9. Don’t flaunt with money, there are people who could use it
  10. Try to use Iron Man not for everything, go on foot instead of car too



Should be a good start, no? “JARVIS? What do you think of this?”

“Is this a new New Year’s Resolution list, Sir, because New Year is months away.”

“No, I’m going to be a better person. Is this list any good?”

“Sir, I’m just a computer.” JARVIS didn’t know how to answer “But I’m sure this list is very good.”

“Hah!” Tony barked, from today on I’m starting with these 10 new life rules.

Then he proceeded to wash himself a bit with his left hand.

 

* * *

 

The Avengers would know it when Pepper Potts was done with them.

An Agent escorted her inside and because she was Tony Stark’s personal assistant, she could wait in the living room. The center of HQ.

Colonel Fury came into the living room. “Ah, Miss Potts, how is our injured Iron Man doing?”

“I want to talk to Steve.” Pepper hissed through her teeth. All night long she watched camera fragments of Tony being depressed over the months. He hid everything from everyone, no wonder he was like he was now.

“I’m afraid that isn’t so simple. The Captain is on a mission and...” Fury began.

“I don’t care. I’ll wait all day if I have to. When he gets here, send him to me.” Pepper insisted.

Fury made a slight bow to her “As you wish Miss Potts.” And left.

Pepper got the whole living room for herself and a cup of tea was brought. When she was alone again, she took out her laptop and opened it. “JARVIS?”

“Yes, Miss Potts?”

“Can you hack the security cameras of the place where I’m now? I need every one of them that features Tony.”

“Of course Miss Potts, but this might take a while. Make yourself comfortable.”

And Pepper did just that. An hour later all the videos with Tony were downloaded. She started watching them and when she finished she started crying. She put all those videos together with what she found in Stark Tower and other evidence of Tony’s depression. Pepper got extremely mad after reviewing the video where Captain America lost his control and smashed Tony against the wall, momentarily forgetting he had superpowers. No wonder Tony was so badly hurt.

She waited with on her lap the perfect file to present the guilty man after she has beaten the shit out of him.

When it was almost time for supper, the door went open.

“Ma’am, they said you asked for me?” Captain America started and he walked forward to shake hands with Pepper.

The other Avengers followed swiftly behind him and Pepper stood up. Trembling and when Captain America got close to her she snapped her eyes up to his. Steve stood ramrod still. Something in her eyes scared him.

“You. Fucking. Bastard!” Pepper yelled.

Steve’s eyes went wide with shock “What..?” he wanted to ask but by then Pepper lost all control and crying she hit him. Then continued to try to scratch his eyes out. Something that’s extremely difficult to do when he heals super fast.

“You ASSHOLE”

“SHITTING CUNT”

“Do you have ANY any idea AT ALL what you’ve done???!!!”

Natasha and Clint interfered and kept Pepper under control. Thor was laughing (he always liked tiny little humans fighting each other) and Bruce seems to start to understand something.

“Miss Potts, please, I have no idea what I’ve done, but on my word of honour...”

“You speak of honour?? See this?” she held out the laptop “There’s a file on this. A file under the name Motherfucker and it’s meant for you. I want you to watch all of it, privately, on your word of fucking honour. And when you did, I hope you die of shame.” Pepper pushed the laptop in his hands. Straightened up and walked out. Slamming the door.

“Dude, I have no idea what you did. But hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and you obviously harmed something precious to her. What did you do?” Clint asked.

The others watched the Captain and he shook his head.

“I have absolutely no idea, but I’m about to find out. In private.” Steve said.


	11. Baby, Please Don’t Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world stood still.
> 
> “Tony...” Steve said with sad eyes.

**Chapter Eleven – Baby, Please Don’t Go**

Unknown to Tony, Steve tried to get into Stark Tower. For almost every day since seeing the file that was, righteously so, called motherfucker. Pepper held him outside. And Steve only stops trying after Pepper talked to him.

“What are you thinking? You broke that man and just expect to come inside and make everything okay? You’ll make thing worse! Just stay away from him, haven’t you hurt him enough already?”

She was right, Steve thought, so he waited for the day Tony would return to HQ.

 

* * *

 

Tony had been sober for almost two months now. He wanted to be proud of himself, but there were so many things he didn’t do right yet. So, no pride allowed. He kept him to the rules. Pepper didn’t want a Ferrari, so he just gave her a raise. He finally was allowed to go outside, but he had to wear some sort of corset under his clothes to keep his ribs together and a tight sling to keep his right arm in place. He still had black and blue bruises. He never ever had bruises that long. They finally started to turn yellow. Part of his face was a bit yellow and blue too, it went down by his blue and purple neck and even lower... Well, it wasn’t some pretty landscape. At least, he didn’t lose any teeth or bit his tongue on the impact. When he got outside he started walking but got tired too soon. He had to ask help to some person on the street. Of course, it was on the news the next day.

“Tony Stark, drunk billionaire falls of stairs and scrambles through streets of NY.” Or something like that. Tony wanted to shrug when Pepper went ballistic after seeing he went outside all alone. But he didn’t care. So no he took a walk every morning accompanied by some bodyguard/male nurse. Every day he went a bit further away from home. It helped him to get to sleep faster at night these walks. Not that he sleeps a lot...

Pepper started to let him get back to work. Tony could start with simple things. Shaking hands (with his left now), smiling on pictures when he appeared somewhere and such stuff. In the meantime, Tony had his plan for a sustainable source written on paper. He wanted to try it and which city is better than New York? However, he first needed the Mayors permission. That’s why Tony Stark was currently sitting in front of the mirror. Pepper helping him to get his tie and jacket on.

“Thanks, Pepper.” Then Tony started mumbling, practicing his speech. He really wanted people to accept his new plan. Pepper looked at him with sad eyes, but Tony didn’t notice.

“You’re going to be fine, alright? Good luck tonight, I won’t be far.” Pepper reassured him.

“Thank you Miss Potts” Tony smiled a little shy smile and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Pepper noticed Tony coming very friendly and almost... tender to everyone. But only herself could still see the old Tony beneath it, other people said it was an improvement en she thought it was too, but not all of it was better, he’s so insecure now... The party, more like a benefit, was on the other side of town, so they went by car. Normally Tony would make a grand entrance with his Iron Man suit, but that suit was now collecting dust in his office.

From the moment they stepped out of the car, they got almost trampled by an enthusiastic journalist. Cameras were flashing and questions being asked. “Mr. Stark do you like displaying your bruises?”

“Mr. Stark how long will you be wearing...” Mr. Stark, Mr. Stark... Tony answered a couple of questions, posed with some fangirls and then proceeded inside. Only the very rich people of New York paid to eat here. After dinner, Tony retreated with the Mayor and showed him his plan. In the meantime, doors were opened and the official ball could begin. Classic music was playing and Tony was getting tired. The Mayor seemed to be interested in his plan and he promised Tony a meeting with the Board of the City. Tony smiled thankfully.

“Well now, Tony, is that all? Now we can enjoy the ball, I believe it was you who sponsored it?” the Mayor said.

“Yes, I did. The profit that is being made tonight goes to cancer research and Stark Industries...” Tony started explaining.

“Good god, Tony, let’s have some fun tonight, shall we. You’ve worked enough.” The Mayor laughed. Tony smiled sheepishly.

“Well, I’ll put my plan away and tell Miss Potts to schedule an appointment with the Board. Mr. Mayor.” Tony greeted and went in search for Pepper. Where was she? He saw her on the other end of the dance floor. A waltz started. Tony started walking through the dancing couples when somebody’s elbow pushed his ribs. Tony dropped his files on the floor because his arm was still weak. Luckily he was on the side of the dance floor, so the couples wouldn’t waltz right over his paper. He kneeled down and reached for a paper when another hand came into his view, helping him assemble the paper. Tony smiled, “Thank you for...”

The world stood still.

“Tony...” Steve said with sad eyes.                                                                                                                                   

Tony fell backwards. Trying to scramble up and away from the Captain. He hurt himself and winced, Steve noticed and his eyes turned angry. Tony thought he was angry at him, so he stammered out an apology.

“I... I... I’m so... So sorry... I’ll take those... I’ll just... You know.. Shut up Tony.” Tony swooped down and with one arm wiped the papers to him. He crushed them to his chest, not bothering to make sure he had everything he started walking away. His eyes everywhere but on the Captain.

“Tony, wait...” Steve said, but Tony was turning away. Steve took Tony by the shoulder and turned him back. When he wanted to put his hand back on Tony’s shoulder he flinched, fear clearly in his eyes.

“Please don’t” Tony whimpered and Steve wanted to kill himself.

“I.. I won’t be a bother, Sir. I’ll, I’ll go Captain. So sorry..” and Tony finally found the courage and power to turn around and start running not looking at the people he pushed to get away. Pepper saw it happening from a distance and when she got to Steve, Tony was already gone.

“Nice job, you jerk.” She turned to Steve and stopped. Steve was crying, he looked at Pepper and turned around. People made place for the big man passing through. Shooting curious glances at him and Pepper.


	12. Let’s Make It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “May I escort you home Tony?”

**Chapter Twelve – Let’s Make It**

Tony stopped running once he was outside. He started walking in the direction of Stark Tower. While walking he took off his jacket and bought some Indian hat in a street corner night shop so he wouldn’t attract too much information. He gave some crazy garbage scraping guy 50 dollars to buy his jacket. An old torn and dirty thing. Now nobody would recognize him as long as he kept his eyes down. His ribs hurt and his breathing was erratically, something that worsened the pain. He cried. After an hour walking, he arrived in the park, not far from Stark Tower.

“Tony!”

Tony froze, where to run? “I’m not fast enough,” he thought. Reluctantly he turned.

“Yes, Captain,” Tony whispered staring at the ground.

“I don’t know how to tell you this. Please, don’t go before I’m finished.”

Tony nodded but still kept his eyes on his shiny shoes.

“First and for all, I’m sorry about forgetting my strength and smacking you against that wall.”

Tony’s eyes widened, how did he know??

“And second, I want to say what a complete ass I’ve been.”

That caught Stark’s attention and he looked up. Steve stood before him. Shoulders slumped, tearstained face and the most adorable trembling pout on his face ever. Tony couldn’t help it. His reactor started glowing, after all that time keeping it in control and missing Steve. The light started to peek out of his ugly jacket. Steve noticed and it gave him hope to go on with his apology speech.

“You’re not pathetic nor ugly or selfish. You can be a bit of a bastard sometimes, but that’s not badly meant. We all like the Tony who’s sometimes snarky and extremely witty and confident. You’re just proud of yourself, and why wouldn’t you. You’re so smart and you ARE a hero. When I first met you I thought you were the most arrogant...”

Tony flinched again.

“..Sexy man I’ve ever seen.”

This can’t be real.

“I was attracted to you immediately. But everything I did didn’t seem to impress you. I thought you hated me and just wanted to make fun out of me. I never noticed you doing all the stuff that just screams that you’re a good guy. One of the best really. I enjoyed the Batman comics, I liked it when you sat with us at a table even if you never talked to me and didn’t seem to like me. I really could have never thought... That you, Tony Stark, could be interested in someone as stupid and foolish like me.” Steve said

“How could I not be interested?” Tony asked with a hoarse voice.

There was silence and the two of them looked at each other.

“I... I liked the kiss too.” Said Steve blushing furiously. “I just thought you wanted to laugh with me and prank me when it was the most soul-crushing moment in my life.”

Tony uncrossed his arms and the jacket fell open. The reactor was glowing so beautifully bright through his shirt. It made Steve breathless.

“Tony Stark, would you like to give me another chance... And try this,” Steve pointed at them both, “to get something more?”

“Please,” Steve added.

Tony searched Steve’s face for any jokes or lies and only found the truth. He nodded and his face split into a wide smile. His face wasn’t used to laughing anymore after all this time. So it went very hesitatingly. Steve smiled too and he slowly reached for Tony’s hand, watching for any sign of discomfort. Tony let him and Steve took Tony’s left hand and raised it to his lips.

“May I escort you home Tony?”


	13. Shot Of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll pick you up at 8 tonight. Alright?”

When morning came, a whistling Steve made his way through the kitchen. Natasha, who hadn’t had her cup of coffee yet, looked incredulously at him. What’s going on here? Steve was depressed for months and now...

“Goodmorning!” he said - Clint grunted - and Steve went out the door.

Even Bruce didn’t know what to say.

 

* * *

 

“You lucky bastard,” Pepper said. Steve smiled shyly and apologetic at her. “Don’t ruin it!” she warned him.

“No Ma’am.” And he passed her heading to Mr. Starks office.

 

* * *

 

_Buzzzzzzz_

“Come in!” Tony was on the phone when he turned around to motion Pepper near he forgot to talk or listen to the person he was calling with.

“Excuse me, Mr. Varzhigo. Can I call you back later? Something’s come up.” And with a beep, he put the phone down.

“Hello, Tony.”

“What are you doing here?” asked Tony, still not believing Steve just showed up at his office in this hour and voluntarily.

“I... Euh... Came to give you these.” And he held out a bouquet of the most lovely red roses ever. Steve blushed deeply. “Unless you don’t want them, I’ll just take them and leave you to your work and...”

Tony walked at Steve and took the roses. “Thank you,” he answered softly.

Steve scratched the back of his head “And... Euh... I was wondering if you’d like to... You know... Go out with me... Tonight or any night you want. I mean...”

“I’d love to. Euhm, how does this work now?” Tony stammered not entirely sure of the concept of dating between two guys.

Steve glad to have a date with Tony smiled one of his biggest smiles. “I’ll pick you up at 8 tonight. Alright?”

“Yes, that’s... wonderful.” Tony blushed too and Steve couldn’t get his eyes off of him, something that made Tony blush even deeper.

Steve seemed to be hesitating, he turned, then turned back and started to lean slowly forward. “See you tonight, Tony...” and placed an almost imperceptible kiss on Tony’s cheek. Tony’s whole body was basking in the glow of his heart reactor. And when Steve closed the door, he definitely heard a loud “Whoop whoop” behind him. Exactly what he was feeling.

 

* * *

 

“We’re going to a fair?” Tony asked incredulously. “Yes, is that alright?” Steve asked uncertainly.

“Yeah, it’s just... It’s been years since I went to one.” Tony said.

The fair looked like it was picked from the movie ‘The Notebook’ and Steve supported Tony when he got tired. They went on almost everything that wasn’t too wild, to dodge more injury at Tony’s person. Steve bought Tony a caramel apple. Something that was difficult to eat with only one arm, but Steve took out his pocket knife and cut the apples into pieces. Then he fed Tony every piece. Some people stared at them, but Tony didn’t care. Steve just blushed and looked everywhere except at Tony’s now caramel red perfect delicious mouth closing around the apple pieces... He gulped audibly. Tony smirked, finally some of his confidence coming back and Steve grinned back.

They came at a big cardboard with the Avengers on it but with holes instead of faces. People took pictures with their face in the holes. Tony immediately wanted a picture of him as The Hulk.

“We have to let Bruce see this” he laughed. Steve, wrestling with the modern camera on Tony’s cell phone, laughed too. Then they let an elder couple take a picture of them, but Steve as Iron Man and Tony as Captain America.

“You know, I’m going to print this picture out and hang it in my room.” Tony joked.

“Don’t you dare” Steve threatened laughing.

Steve bought some sticky candy on a stick to share with Tony and then he noticed Tony getting sleepy. “Okay love, let’s do one more thing and get you home.”

Tony nodded and started to lean more on Steve. The last thing to do was the giant Ferris wheel. While in the air, Steve contemplated putting his arm around Tony, not knowing Tony was thinking the same. Tony took the initiative. “Auw!” Tony shouted.

“Tony, what’s wrong?” Steve asked worriedly. Then Tony started laughing. “I wanted to put my arm around you, but you’re on my right I forgot that my arms still hurts.”

Steve smiled too, albeit a bit guilty. Then he draped his arm around Tony. He tensed for a moment and then snuggled into Steve’s armpit. Tony couldn’t be any more happy. This whole thing was so cliché and perfect at the same time. Throughout the evening, he got excited by almost everything Steve did, but most of all he felt safe and cherished. Steve sighed happily. When they got down, Steve noticed Tony was almost asleep. He helped him on his motorcycle and crawled behind Tony. While driving, Tony leaned against his chest, sagging a bit when he fell asleep. The trees flashing by beside them. And Steve put a featherlight kiss on Tony’s neck.

Tony felt is but was too tired to do anything but feel happy. His injuries still took a lot of energy, but he would take them again and again if it meant he could experience this.

For the first time in his life, Tony feels happy. Not just happy, but a penetrating happiness that even made his toes tingle. There isn’t a place on world he rather wanted to be than here in Steve’s arms.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aren’t they adorable? Good god, where’s my handkerchief? Tony’s still so insecure and Steve remains the perfect gentleman. I love them!

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this story on ff.net and am now uploading an updated version onto AO3. (same name - same writer)  
> Some changes, better spelling and more plot are being added as we speak.


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